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Post by Clannibal on Dec 18, 2015 20:26:29 GMT -5
| if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you [HASH]Zach |
He was feeling better. At least, he was feeling like he wasn't on the verge of death. He was still really weak. He could only eat a little bit of food at one time, for fear of vomiting it back up. His body was hungry and thirsty, but he just couldn't seem to feed it fast enough. If only his mind was any better.
Zach was confused.
He'd wandered away from the caves, slipping by unnoticed, towards a close location. It was a tiring walk but not out of his league. As he traveled, he liked to think he was sweating out the sickness in those few minutes. His stomach still wasn't too happy, though. It could very well be stress-related at this point. He had woken up yesterday and was greeted by an angry Raion. He seemed aloof for no explainable reason. When Zach asked about Joey, Raion reassured him that he was still fine. When Zach then asked about Lori's condition, Raion closed up.
"I'm not sure. She's pissed at you, though. Don't ask why. She doesn't want to see you right now."
That was the gist of it, anyway. Zach wasn't sure if perhaps some of his nightmares had been reality. He remembered being hit by her, was it dream or fantasy? Had he somehow pissed her off while he wasn't even awake?
Zach was really confused. Raion seemed angry by the whole situation, and uncomfortable, but Zach was too ill to get more info out of him. He would take matters into his own hands. Find Lori, make sure she's okay, and then make her talk. He sat down on a piece of charred metal airplane. It was a good hundred feet away from the biggest part of the wreckage, near the shade of a palm tree, so he rested there and drank the water he brought with him. Just little sips at a time. As soon as he was 100% again, there was a lot of work to do. People were still sick.
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Post by sammikay on Dec 18, 2015 21:11:39 GMT -5
The night had proven a hard one. She had trekked off alone, not wanting to face anyone. The news that something was growing inside her made her sick to her stomach, and it wasn't just because of the morning sickness. She felt heavy, she felt alone, and most of all, she felt stupid. She flinched, remembering last night as the rain had poured down on her.
She had taken coverage beneath a stone that had jutted out at the lagoon. She couldn't stand to sit anywhere near the caves, so she had went clear across to the lagoon despite the rain that had begun to pour down. In her moment of weakness, she had even taken to grabbing her flat stomach with her long fingers and whispered to the beast growing in her. "This was never supposed to happen. This was...is...a mistake," she had whispered, finally letting go of her tears to a full on meltdown. All she had wanted was a cigarette and this baby to be gone. She had pulled her legs up to her, shaking from the cold, the fear, and the withdraw.
After the night alone to herself and the bumping bean, she had decided to take to her and Zach's hidden gateway to Hell. If she had any chance of getting rid of this baby, it was there. She could imagine grabbing the bottle now and bringing it to her lips, but just thinking about it brought a wave of nausea and disgust to her. Would she even be able to do that? To do that to herself...and to this new thing that part of her? Part of her and part of Zach.
The thought of him brought her eyebrows to knit together. She wondered if she had scared poor Raion enough for him not to tell Zach. She half hoped that Zach had died so that he would never know what they had done. She could hide it for a while. Or maybe she could just never return back to the group. She only needed to work on her firemaking skills and then she could take care of herself. There was plenty of fruit; she could learn how to fish. She swallowed, brushing back the sweat from her face with her tank top. She looked like a complete mess. Her hair was everywhere, big with the humidity, and pulled up into a messy bun. Her once white tank top was now a permanent brown from all the cave dirt, and her shorts were torn and muddy. Even her shoes were ratty after nearly two months of living out here. And, especially after the rough night she had, her eyes were red, sunken in, and she even looked different. She didn't carry herself with her typical self-righteousness or attitude. It looked like if you touched her too hard, she would fall apart.
But, she had decided. She couldn't live with this group. She couldn't let Zach know that she was pregnant. She didn't want this, and she certainly didn't want this for him. He had a group to lead. She swallowed, knowing that she needed to go and scavenge for whatever she could in order to survive on her own. Maybe she could find a stray blanket...for the baby? She squeezed her eyes together and pressed her nose in between to rid herself of the stress headache. "We got this," she said gently, knowing that she would need to collect whatever she could for her and for the baby that would ruin her life.
| | Highlights Angry, Addicted, In withdraw. #LoriCurrently. Lori is getting through not having any more cigarettes, and is facing early signs of pregnancy now. | |
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Post by Clannibal on Dec 19, 2015 19:38:05 GMT -5
| if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you [HASH]Zach |
Maybe Zach had known that she would turn up if he waited here. Now that he actually thought more about it, things always seemed to turn out this way. He wasn't one to believe in spiritual things or fantasy, but he did have to admit to himself that he felt as if they were always drawn together like magnets. Well, they were stuck on a small island together...there was that, too.
After a couple of tentative sips of water, Zach was thinking about Lori's pretty legs. It was nice to think of those, and not the ugly words and the slap that came with them just days ago. Sometimes he did forget about that fight (could he even call it a fight?) but it was never for long. He thought a lot about Lori these days. When he wasn't thinking, he was drinking with her by his side. What kind of life was he living now? The past week or two had been him simply giving in to every pleasure he could get right now.
Zach hated himself. He was bound to crash and burn, eventually. It was a quiet murmur in the back of his mind. He felt some kind of self-loathing that reminded him that something had to give, and would. It was up to him to decide which way it would end. At least he was smart, if anything.
One thing he had decided for sure; he was still king of this island. The fire to lead his people to the Promised Lands was re-lit inside of him when he wandered through the cave of sick, coughing, hallucinating human beings. He'd felt a surge of angry energy over a situation he wasn't sure he could even fix. Joey and Lori were the apples of his eye, but if wanted to take care of them, he needed to keep everything else in order, too.
He stood back up, ready to go back "home," when he turned his head and his brown eyes caught sight of someone very familiar to him. Lori.
She was standing, her back to him. Feeling a rush of adrenaline at the sight of her, he moved faster than he had in days. She wouldn't get away from him. He was going to get an explanation that Raion refused him. His feet trudged through thick sand until Lori was just several feet away.
"Lori?" he called to her, demanding and also questioning in tone. He had no idea what he was walking into, what was on her mind. It was confusing as hell, and being confused always made him frustrated and simultaneously determined.
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Post by sammikay on Dec 19, 2015 21:21:27 GMT -5
Her clammy hands had reached up to her hair and pressed it back. She had pulled her hair up from this morning's bout of morning sickness, and hadn't even contemplated letting it down yet. She needed a bath in the lagoon, and a long massage. God was her back aching. She ran her hand down her side and eventually landed it on her lower back. She gently massaged there, her tattoos dancing as her muscle flinched with the movement. She bent down, hand still pressed firmly to her back. She picked up an old book, some of the pages burned at the edges from the fire that the plane had. But, as she picked it up, a very familiar voice made her freeze. She swallowed and turned, not even a smile or look of recognition flying across her features as she caught sight of Zach. She still held her back and the book in the other hand.
Lori's heart tugged, and she swore she could feel her stomach turn. That was in her mind. There was no possible way she could feel the baby this early right? When the hell did women even feel their babies? She had never been around anyone pregnant. They had always grossed her out. But, she swore she had felt it. Maybe it was her own guilt. "Zach," she answered, rather deadpan, sunken eyes turning away from him and back to the wreckage. It was a ghost town here now. There no longer existed plumes of death black smoke and the bodies had been removed. Thank God, she thought, knowing that she couldn't handle another run in with dead bodies while she was scavenging. She turned around, as if Zach being here meant nothing for her. She was happy he was alive, but she was pissed that it had only been about two days since she left. She was hoping that she wouldn't have to see him again. "Shouldn't you be in the caves?" she asked quietly, walking away from him and closer to the plane. Everything had been taken, everything had been searched through. But, there hadn't been any babies on this island. They had to have left things for babies, right? But, she couldn't just go around grabbing diapers and bottles in front of Zach either.
| | Highlights Angry, Addicted, In withdraw. #LoriCurrently. Lori is getting through not having any more cigarettes, and is facing early signs of pregnancy now. | |
Template by Kuroya of THQ & GS.
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Post by Clannibal on Dec 21, 2015 19:40:20 GMT -5
| if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you [HASH]Zach |
He really wished he could look someone in the eye and know what they were thinking. As Lori turned and faced him, his running came to a slow, and then a quick stop. Something was either terribly wrong with Lori, or he'd definitely done something to piss her off. The way she looked at him was unlike any other time. At least when she was mad at him, he knew it. This was a different feeling altogether.
He felt wounded even before he understood anything at all. Zach needed to give himself more credit - he was pretty talented at seeing through pretenses. "Yeah, Zach," he repeated, with a twinge of annoyance directed at her disinterested demeanor. If he didn't understand something, he got frustrated. Surely Lori knew that by now.
She turned away from him like nothing had ever happened between them. Like they were acquaintances. A surge of impatience made the man throw his arms up in a display that screamed what the hell, Lori.. Of course, she couldn't see him while her back was turned to him.
She was scavenging for lord knew what. He tried to look at what was before her reach. She spoke as he took a step forward, so he didn't have a moment for that.
In the caves? No duh. "Shit, maybe I should be. I came out here looking for you. Raion wanted to tiptoe around my every question. I woke up to some kind of childish game. What the fuck is going on?"
Finding Lori out of the blue was not a relief. He felt upset. Hell, he thought he was dying just a couple of days ago. Lori didn't care if he lived or died. Was that really the truth? Her body language said enough without words. If that's really the case, he wasn't sure he thought the same of her as before. He stepped over to her left side so he could see her face. The breeze around them caught tips of tiny sand dunes and ruffled his thick hair. He almost felt cold. Still sick. He shouldn't have to be out here in the first place.
He wanted to ask more questions, but decided to keep it to one at a time. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding. Maybe she was out here looking for something to help the sick.
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Post by sammikay on Dec 21, 2015 22:18:50 GMT -5
Lori felt her stomach turn with each moment he remained near her. It was this giant weight on her shoulders, pressing down. Half of him was growing inside of her, and she just couldn't get that out of her head as she bent down and grabbed up a jar and extra cloth that looked ripped from one of the plane's blanket. She folded it carefully, stuffing it inside of the jar and then putting the whole thing underneath her bicep. She tried to bring herself together, to not get pissed off at his tone, but it was so terribly difficult. As she continued to keep her back to him, afraid that looking him in the face would cause her to spill, to tell him what it was that really had sent her running, she dug into the sand, picking up more cloth sections and even grabbing up another book.
What would be the worst if he knew she was pregnant? What really could happen? He could leave. Or worse yet, he could expect you to stay. She swallowed, fear immediately flushing her skin red and causing her eyes to water. The fuck was wrong? Why was this happening to her. She had done plenty to deserve this, but didn't getting stranded on the fucking island count as enough punishment? She stood up and looked at him finally, her sad eyes quiet as she was. She was broken, torn apart from the inside out. She could hear his tone, hear the hate (or what she imagined was hate) in it. She swallowed, ran her fingers through the few strands of hair that had fallen from her bun and looked out at the jungle surrounding her as if it had the answer to his question. "I'm leaving, Zach. I don't want to be in the caves any longer," she said quietly, tone not even close to being argumentative like she normally would have been.
The breeze blew by, and it provided little comfort. One moment she was burning up, and the next freezing. Even now, her cheeks were flushed red hot but goosebumps rose up on her arms, which she quickly brushed away. "I'm sorry I left you in the caves. I just needed to get away from there," she confessed, voice flat again as she finally turned away from him, afraid that the flash of fear would register on her face and he'd be able to see it. She moved away from him, but only by a few steps to pick up another small piece of debris. This time, it was a tiny bottle. Another small bottle of alcohol. She would have laughed if she had any humor left if her. Of course this would show up in her weakest moment. Although she was not a mess like she had been when Zach had first found her, she was sure this was the worst moment of her life. She would take a million withdraws over one pregnancy. Over this pregnancy.
She held it tight in her palm, but she soon dropped it in the sand beside her, moving on from it. She didn't need that anymore.
| | Highlights Angry, Addicted, In withdraw. #LoriCurrently. Lori is getting through not having any more cigarettes, and is facing early signs of pregnancy now. | |
Template by Kuroya of THQ & GS.
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Post by Clannibal on Dec 22, 2015 20:26:21 GMT -5
| if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you [HASH]Zach |
His pertinent questioning seemed to get to her. Still, what was unfolding before him remained unexpected from the norm. Lori was not patient and quiet. He would always remember back when Taya and Logan showed up in the caves. She had so much fire in her that night. Who was this Lori? This girl who refused to look at him, or talk back to him? When she finally did stop her scattered gathering and stood to face him, she was so obviously unhappy that Zach felt his heart twist.
Did something happen to Joey? Was Lori getting sick too?
Then, she spoke to him. Just a simple couple of sentences, but they left him speechless for a few moments as he digested them in any way that could make some kind of sense. Last he remembered, Lori was having no problem in the cave and had showed up at just the right time to help him throw up everywhere. The real question remained unanswered in the time he spent asleep until he woke many hours later.
He had already been pretty disoriented when he woke up that morning. His dreams were less dreams and more hallucinations, reinvented moments of his recent past that left him feeling anxious in his reality. He felt an odd urge to go back to the cave, cry, and sleep some more.
Zach could not speak. Not until after she elaborated just a bit more, confessing with a flat voice that she "had to get away." He felt himself calm down a bit inside...just for a moment. And then, a flame lit inside of him and his eyes glittered dangerously as he watched her pick up a bottle of alcohol, and quickly toss it back into the sand.
He knew that action meant something important. He didn't know how to put it in words, but something about what he just saw made him feel sick. There was a feeling in the air that this was some kind of goodbye. Lori was finally cutting ties with him, and, quite possibly, that was his biggest fear in this stranded beach life. He wasn't ready for this. As she started walking away from the discarded bottle, his arm snatched out and his hand found her tattooed arm.
"Where are you going to go, Lori?" he started, his voice laced with a challenging tone. Confident, sure, Zachary in nature. But deep inside he was cracking. "We're on a deserted island. There's no where you can hide. And you're not getting away from me."
Loyalty, love, devotion...obsession. Where were lines drawn on these particular plains?
"We can stay in the bunker. We've been staying there. Is that not good enough for you?" Zach's voice cracked with emotion he was not trying to hide.
His hand squeezed her arm, perhaps a bit too hard. He was wild with fear and fever. Every moment brought him closer to bending to something he was not. And all because Lori just couldn't be straight with a guy who loved the taste of honest courage.
Lori, you're mine! His brown eyes burned with desperation as he waited for a cliffhanger.
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Post by sammikay on Dec 30, 2015 21:11:06 GMT -5
The quick grasp on her arm startled her. He squeezed hard enough that she couldn't help a small whimper in her throat from coming out. "Zach, you're hurting me," she whined, placing her hand over his own. She wished to pry his hand away, but every point he made cut deep into her. He was right, where would she go, how could she keep herself and this baby alive? The amount of uncertainty was suffocating her. Looking at the plane again, she wished that it was still on fire and that she hadn't survived. So much pain, so much heart ache could have been prevented just by not surviving the crash. This was the first time that Lori had actually thought that the ones who didn't make it were the lucky ones. The silence grew between them, Zach's face still seeming to be twisted in rage and hurt, and in that moment she felt bad for him. She hadn't felt bad before when he was dying, she had just been scared. But now she felt bad.
The amount of desperation in his eyes rocked her to her core, and she wanted to tell him right then. But, her sense caught up with her quickly and she just shook her head, small tears working their way into her eyes. "Zach, I just can't anymore. I can't drink, and I can't be around you," she whispered, head falling forward so that she was staring at the mossy ground beneath them. Bugs crawled around them, uninterrupted by their presence. She swallowed, knowing he would be furious still. There was no helping that. Not even the trees could provide her comfort or cover in this moment. She had to face her demons all at once, and she was choosing to do that without Zach by her side, even though she craved his attention and protection. She wanted to be selfish. Wanted to have him to herself. But, she couldn't distract him from keeping the rest of the group alive. They had been hiding out in their clubhouse and nearly everyone had died of an illness. She couldn't keep Zach to herself, and she couldn't expect him to take care of her all the time. Not to mention, she still had the fear that he would make her stay, make her live up to responsibilities. Make her be a good mom. Was she even capable of that?
She swallowed, turning her eyes back onto him. "Zach, we aren't good for each other. All we do is constantly fuck each other over and cause each other pain. I don't want to cause you pain anymore," she muttered, knowing what kind of pain the news brought her. She could only imagine what Zach would go through if he knew he was the father. She looked away towards the wreckage, unable to even fathom that they had spent two months on this god forsaken island without any sign of a rescue. Why hadn't anyone come for them? She needed modern medical care pronto. While the thought of not knowing anything about this baby before the birth scared her, the idea of just giving birth terrified her even more. Could she do that?
| | Highlights Angry, Addicted, In withdraw. #LoriCurrently. Lori is getting through not having any more cigarettes, and is facing early signs of pregnancy now. | |
Template by Kuroya of THQ & GS.
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Post by Clannibal on Jan 4, 2016 19:02:14 GMT -5
| if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you [HASH]Zach |
Zach let himself give in to an overwhelming negativity. It threatened to swallow him whole as he suddenly seemed to come to from his rage, realizing he'd actually hurt her in the kind of way he was normally far, far above. Zachary felt ashamed of himself. He would likely remember the look on her face and the whimpers of pain forever, caused by a breakdown of mentality that he'd never experienced before.
He was scared, but it simply translated into anger, as it always did lately. No more was he pursuing the subject of Why Does Lori Hate Me. Normally, he'd question her until she cracked, but the desire for mind games wasn't there. He just wanted stability. Lori continually ducked out whenever they were bonding closer.
Her words were infuriating. Even more so because, from his point of view, she was hurting him with her free will. He spun away from her and stopped after walking a few steps away. He stared at the jungle rising around them, his chest heaving with the hyperventilating that he was getting under control. Being terribly ill recently wasn't helping things. He felt like he wanted to sleep for weeks.
He turned back to face her, his expression lacking understanding as he tried to lock on her eyes. "You're absolutely right. I save your life because you're too cowardly to take care of yourself, so you hate my guts for it. I tell you I love you, and you slap me for it, make me feel guilty. You fall into a hole of alcohol and suddenly we're fuckmates. I almost die, and you run away before I'm even awake!"
He'd been deceived by her. She wasn't interested in anything but some sweaty encounters. He was angry because she'd told him from the start what her style was, and he ignored it. Was he so cocky that he thought Lori would change for him?
"Don't even talk like you actually wanted to be with me. You cause me pain on purpose because it gets you off. I'm done with you, too, then. Just go. I've got a cave full of sick people to help."
He left it that. Scathing, controlled, pointing a finger at her. He was deflecting his pain. Nothing made sense about this, about her reasoning, so he was left breakhearted and trying to rationalize things with what little knowledge he had. What he knew was that Lori didn't like monogomy and didn't want to be with him anymore; perhaps she'd found someone else.
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Post by sammikay on Jan 23, 2016 20:35:19 GMT -5
The expressions morphed from hurt, to anger, to pain, and so many more as she stood there, completely at fault for this fight. She had left. She had made that tough decision, and it honestly was all her fault. She swallowed deeply, her arm itching to grasp Zach's arm as he flicked it from her and stalked away, attempting to run. She could understand him better in this moment than any other they had shared. Well, except for when they both couldn't deny their vices. She shook at the core, not with anger or hurt like she normally did when around him, but with shame. She had been the one to seduce him. She had been the one to start it all, and here she was expecting to end it now..and do what? Try to live without him? Try to live without the father of the baby that was growing inside her belly?
But, the shaking was nothing compared to the physical pain she felt in her chest with each blow he made when bringing up all the times she had used him. She had been called a bitch before. She had been coined a whore, had even been struck across the cheek when she had been lippy with one guy in particular. But, none of those times hurt as much as it did now when Zach recovered all the terrible things she had done to him. Lori's teeth clenched together, her eyes falling down to her stomach as she physically flinched when he said that causing him pain got her off. Was he right? She looked up at him with anger in her eyes, but it wasn't anger at him. It was at herself. He was the messenger, but here she was realizing just the amount of pain she had caused him without even realizing it. They had been so up and down, but now that he had laid it all out in front of her, she had zero chance of denying this.
But the finger pointed at her set the little firecracker off. The small woman jumped forward, grabbed his finger and flung his entire hand away from her. She knew that she was a horrible human being, but she was tired of this shit. She was tired of constantly having to live up to these expectations. Zach wanted her to be something she wasn't, and if he knew she was pregnant, she knew he would force her to live up expectations that she would never be able to reach. "Fine, Zach," she hissed, the tears crawling up into her eyes rather quickly. "Leave and just forget about me. I don't want anything to do with you. You're right, I've used you from the beginning," she growled, knowing that it would kill him to hear the words. Before, it had just been an idea in his head, a thought that she was terrible and only wanted sex from him. But now, she knew with this sentence uttered from her mouth she would not have to worry about him wanting to come for her again. She would tear him clean off, just like a bandaid. So, maybe he would be able to heal from this eventually, but as she turned on her heel, grabbed a blanket from the ground, and swung it over her shoulder as she left him, she knew that no matter how many bandaids she put on her heart, she could never forget Zach's face as she had uttered that lie to him.
| | Highlights Angry, Addicted, In withdraw. #LoriCurrently. Lori is getting through not having any more cigarettes, and is facing early signs of pregnancy now. | |
Template by Kuroya of THQ & GS.
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